Saturday, October 23, 2010
I can not believe I am actually saying this, especially right now. I want another baby. I know, I must be crazy. I mean, seriously, Evan is only EIGHT MONTHS OLD!!! I must have lost my marbles. There they go, rolling around on the floor. Oh, darn, that one went in the vent. Now I'll never be completely sane again... Anyway... I think more than anything, it has to do with the fact that two of my best friends and my sister-in-law are pregnant and a ton of the girls I went to school with are also expecting. So right at this moment, I feel very bombarded with baby bumps. I have two awesome little boys and I thought for sure that no matter what, I'd be content with two children. But alas, there is a yearning in my heart for a little girl. One that has my eyes and her daddy's smile. A little curly-headed girl (yes, in my vision she has curly hair although neither my husband nor myself do) in frilly little dresses coming to ask me to play tea party. When we found out Evan was definitely a boy, I was over the moon. I honestly wanted two boys. Partly because I already had all the boy stuff and they were going to be born in the same season, so it was better financially for us to have another boy. And partly because I thought it would be great to see two little boys wrestling around my living room and ganging up on Daddy. But now, I want a girl. We have never set it in stone that we would only have two children, but I feel like my husband would be content if we only had the two boys. He has said as much to me. But with my two best friends both expecting girls, it makes me want one even more. I can't imagine how bad the longing will be when they actually get here. Never mind that I hate being pregnant and have horrible morning sickness and heartburn. Never mind that I feel as big as a house and went ten days late with Evan. I would gladly do it all again just for a little girl. Now you might say, "Well, even if you did get pregnant again, you only have a 50% chance that it would be a girl." I really am aware of this fact. I am also not oblivious to the fact that there is only one female on my father-in-law's side of the family going back several generations. Even knowing all this, it still makes me want to try for a girl. And if it were another boy... Well I'd guess we'd just have to keep him and love him too :) Just kidding. I'd love another boy just as much as I love Ian and Evan. I think I would probably also want to try just once more for a girl. But Hubby has already vetoed that in a big way. Because we (he) are (is) pretty sure we are done having kids, he has decided that if I got pregnant again, it would be "snip-snip" time for him. So, now, I am at a loss for what to do. Do I pester and plead and beg until Hubby gives in and we have one more (possibly male) child? And if it did turn out to be a boy, would I secretly resent the fact that he was not a she??? Would I constantly be wondering about having a girl? I just don't know. I would love any child that we were blessed with, but I can't deny that the longing for a girl is very real in my heart. I can only pray that the Lord reveals to Derek that we should have another child (because that is Derek's stipulation for having another baby --- a heavenly vision) and sees fit to make it a girl. I have been praying extra hard lately :) and hoping that I can be patient and wait for an answer. Whether it be a yes or no. And then be content with the outcome.